John Lennon was born in October of 1940. His dad was a twat and his mom was hit by a car. He fell in love with Elvis and skiffle and started a band called The Quarrymen. He met Paul who introduced him to George, and he invited both into his band. The other members were r-tards, so he kicked them out, and they went on to become Beatles. He married his girlfriend in the early 1960s when he knocked her up. He smoked a lot of pot before moving onto LSD and that's when he met Yoko. By then John was used to getting some strange on the road, but this one he fell in love with. He divorced his wife, married Yoko, and started using heroin. That was no good, and was making it difficult for Yoko to get pregnant, so they kicked that shit. He cut her open a month early to ensure that this baby shared his birthday and then stopped going out in public so he could make sure the nanny didn't shake the baby or throw it down stairs. After awhile, John got tired of not being famous, so he made an album and then he was killed.
Paul McCartney was born in June of 1942. His mom got cancer and died. Paul was a pretty child so he got away with being a little shit. His dad bought him a trumpet but he didn't like it so he bought a guitar. His skills impressed John so he was asked to join John's band. He got jealous when John asked his BFF Stu to join the band, so he was a dick to him until he quit and then Stu died. Paul became the bass player after that. Paul met this redheaded actress after The Beatles became famous and they started dating. He cheated on her so they broke up and then he met Linda. He knocked her up and they got married. They didn't spend a day apart except that time he was arrested for possession in Japan, and then again when she got cancer and died. He had a really successful band in the 70s called Wings, but they broke up because Paul didn't want a band anymore. In the 80s he made some shitty music, but then made a good album in the 90s before Linda died. He met this one-legged former model and they got married. She made him stop smoking pot and he started making shitty music again. They had a baby, but then he found out she used to be a hooker in Germany, so they got a divorce. She didn't get all his money, but she got plenty. He started smoking pot again and his music got better.
George Harrison was born in February of 1943. He got so good at guitar that John let him join his band even though he was like six. He lost his virginity in Hamburg while The Beatles were playing there, and Paul and John watched. He met a model while they were filming A Hard Day's Night and they got married. John and Paul didn't let George put his songs on the albums because they thought he couldn't write for shit. Then George's wife fell in love with his best friend and they got divorced. George got really into Indian music and religion, and convinced The Beatles to go on a retreat in India to see this horny guru. After The Beatles broke up George put together a shitty charity concert, which influenced dozens of other future shitty charity concerts. He fell in love with Monty Python and became BFFs with Eric Idle. He also met this lady named Olivia and they got married. Later someone broke into their house and attacked George, and Olivia beat the guy's ass until the cops came. So good thing they met. Then George got cancer and died.
Ringo Starr was born in July of 1940. He was really, really poor. And sick. He spent a lot of time in hospital, where he fell in love with drums. He joined a band which became one of the best bands in Liverpool. The Beatles drummer was shit, so when they were about to become famous, they asked Ringo to join. So he did. Ringo married his girlfriend when he knocked her up. He sang covers until John and Paul wrote songs for him, and then he wrote some himself. The Beatles were dicks, so he quit the band, but they begged until he came back. Then the band broke up. He became BFFs with Keith Moon and they got drunk a lot. Ringo acted in movies in the 70s. Then Keith Moon died. Ringo cured his alcohol addiction by playing a one-inch tall train conductor on a children's TV show. Then he did a Pizza Hut commercial and formed the All-Starr band. He still has a solo career writing songs about the good old days as a Beatle and a poorass kid in Liverpool. People eat that shit up.