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Title: Cry For A Shadow
Webmater: Beth
Launched: 24 Dec 2006
Contact: beatles@cryforashadow.com
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The Truth
There have always been a lot of rumors circulating about The Beatles. I'm here to set the record straight. Or further perpetrate the myths. Whichever.
MYTH #1: PAUL IS DEAD
This one started in the 1960s. It was said that Paul died in a car crash in the mid-60s and was replaced with a look-a-like. Despite the fact that this is highly illogical and completely retarded, the websites devoted to the subject are amazing.
Verdict: Wrong
MYTH #2: "I BURIED PAUL"
This was one of the "clues" the other Beatles gave in their music to tell fans that Paul was dead. John supposedly mutters this at the end of "Strawberry Fields Forever." The release of The Beatles Anthology disproves this one. It's well-known that two versions of the song were spliced together to get the final version, and on the CD both versions were included. It's quite clear that, when it's not slowed down (as it was for the master), the phrase John mutters is "cranberry sauce." A-duh.
Verdict: Wrong
MYTH #3: LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS = LSD
The song, according to John, came from his son Julian explaining a drawing he made of a classmate ("It's Lucy in the sky with diamonds"). The song lyrics are quite colorful and the song itself sounds trippy, so who knows what the hell influenced that bit. But the song's initials are a coincidence, not an intentional drug reference. The song was still banned from radio, though. Fucking censorship.
Verdict: Wrong
MYTH #4: 'HELTER SKELTER' PREDICTS THE APOCOLYPSE
Oh, Charles Manson, you silly man. The song is about a slide (as in, what children play on in a park)...apparently that's what British people call them? Hell if I know. It has nothing to do with doomsday. Although I'm curious to know where people think Paul got this information.
Verdict: Wrong
MYTH #5: MICHAEL JACKSON PWNS THE BEATLES
It's true that he used to own the Beatles back catalogue, but he recently caught the Poor and had to sell it off. From what I understand, Sony has at least partial ownership. Good for Target, sucky for Beatles fans.
Verdict: Correct(ish)
MYTH #6: U.S. GOVERNMENT SPIED ON JOHN
They denied it for years, but recently official documents have been released stating that they were in fact keeping tabs on John. Apparently they thought he was going to join forces with Elton John and David Bowie and start some sort of homoerotic revolution. Sexy.
Verdict: Correct
MYTH #7: JOHN'S MURDER GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY?
It's believed by certain unique characters that the U.S. government used Chapman as a pawn in their giant plot to rid themselves of John Lennon forever. You'd think deportation would have been a bit easier. Hm. Too bad that's completely moronic. I hate conspiracy theorists.
Verdict: Wrong
MYTH #8: JOHN WAS A WIFE BEATER
Oh yeah, big time. Both John and his ex-wife Cynthia have stated that he would get a bit hasty when he was drunk and sometimes become violent. He beat the crap out of some guy that called him gay, and he pushed his wife around when she sassed him.
Verdict: Correct
MYTH #9: THE BEATLES STONED DURING HELP!
I think that's fairly obvious.
Verdict: Correct
MYTH #10: JOHN TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM
Rumors have always floated around about the nature of John's relationship with The Beatles' gay manager, Brian Epstein. Although rumors about their trip to Spain have become legend in Beatles lore, often perpetrated by John himself for his own personal amusement, there was no Big Gay Holiday.
Verdict: Wrong
MYTH #11: THE BEATLES SEXED EACH OTHER UP
Although Beatles slash is a popular fanfiction genre, it's based on nothing but imagination and fantasy. None of The Beatles were gay for each other, and none of The Beatles touched each others willies on a lonely night on the road. They could have groupies anytime they wanted, why would they need to resort to straight man gay sex?
Verdict: Wrong
MYTH #12: JOHN'S JUNGLE FEVER
I've heard some things about John having a thing for black women. My guess is that he made his way through the entire white population, and needed something new. I'm really not sure if this is true, but I don't see why it wouldn't be. Vag is vag, right?
Verdict: Inconclusive
MYTH #13: A TRIP FROM THE DENTIST
It's been said that John and George were given their first acid trip from their dentist. I believe both Beatles in question have verified this at one time or another. And that's fucking awesome. Celebrity doctors rule.
Verdict: Correct
MYTH #14: RINGO'S HANGOVER WAS GREAT MOTIVATION
It's been said that Ringo's "brilliant" acting in A Hard Day's Night (the scene where he walks sadly down the beach) was actually due to a hangover. Ringo said it, the director said it...so yeah. And you thought Ringo had talent. Psh.
Verdict: Correct
MYTH #15: JOHN BANGED MAMA CASS
Bob Dylan certainly believed it. Some people even believe he fathered her only child. I doubt that, but still. This is one of the better bits of gossip floating around.
Verdict: Correct
MYTH #16: PAUL FLASHES HIS WANG IN MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR
The scene in question is when Paul's leaping down the hill in "The Fool On The Hill" sequence. Too bad it's his shirt. I would have died laughing if it were true.
Verdict: Wrong
MYTH #17: JOHN BANGED OVER A HUNDRED WOMEN
I fucking believe it. I could have sworn I read somewhere that he was claiming four hundred. That would be pushing it. In the 60s John was fucking anything that moved...except his wife. Zing!
Verdict: Correct
MYTH #18: THE BEATLES LIKED THE MONKEES
John especially loved the TV show. Only the unsuccessful musicians shit on The Monkees.
Verdict: Correct
MYTH #19: CIRCLE JERK FTW?!
It's been said, or hinted at, in several publications that John and his friends would indulge in mutual masturbation contests, where they'd sit around jerking off (though not each other) and shouting out the names of famous hotties to help the process along. I'm not sure if the "winner" was the person who came first or last, but either way...homoerotic much? Although I find this disturbing, that's not the point. Is it true? A couple of these friends have been quoted as saying these little get-togethers occurred...so um. Yeah.
Verdict: Disturbingly, this is probably Correct.
